’13 Reasons’ is Back…What to Do?

5/24/18

Chelsea Malik

MS, LMFT

The controversial show 13 Reasons Why just released their second season. Are you worried about your teen watching this series? Are you concerned about the messages this show sends? It is important to approach the series intentionally and try to help your teen process and understand it in a healthy way.

As therapists who believe wholeheartedly in optimizing mental health, our general stance is that we do not support or promote this show. Ideally, you can speak to your teen and prevent them from watching it. Knowing that many teens will see it regardless, and discuss it with peers, here are our recommendations on how to approach this series:

• If they insist on watching, watch the show with your teen. It is important to know what your teen saw and how they reacted in the moment. Discussion topics will also come up organically as you watch together.

• Focus on one episode at a time. In other words, don’t binge watch. These episodes are intense, containing many graphic events and heavy subjects. Try to help teens avoid becoming overloaded emotionally by watching too much at once. Encourage some space in between the episodes in order to process them effectively. Start a conversation about each episode in order to gage their reactions. Ask these general questions to gain a basic idea of your teen’s understanding and how they are relating to the show:

  • What did you think about that episode?
  • Why do you think the characters are behaving this way?
  • Is there anything in that episode that you disagree with? Anything that you do agree with?
  • Have you ever struggled or seen someone struggle with anything similar?

• Develop healthier “take-away” messages together. There are a number of significant topics raised this season, i.e. honoring those we’ve lost, the power of friendship, bullying, gun violence, honesty, drug addiction, sexual consent, suicide, and self-harm behaviors. Start a dialogue about these as they come up in each episode, asking questions such as:

  • Why do you think the character abuses substances? What are some of the dangers or consequences of substance abuse?
  • How can you stand up for yourself or others appropriately?
  • What does consent look like?
  • Why do you think someone would self-harm?
  • Do you find telling the truth to be difficult? What would make telling the truth easier?

• Be sure to address the concept of suicide. Throughout the series, Hannah gets special attention for her decision to commit suicide. The show desensitizes suicide by giving viewers a how-to-guide. The series glorifies Hannah’s legacy, which is not what suicide looks like in reality. Teens are already feeling desperate to be seen, liked or to fit in- which can encourage teens to appeal to Hannah and her decisions. Ask questions such as:

  • What do you think about her decision to commit suicide?
  • Why do people commit suicide?
  • What are alternatives to suicide?

• Educate your teen about mental health issues in the real world. In our professional opinion, this series does not realistically depict Hannah’s mental health issues and progression of those issues. In most of the flashbacks, Hannah doesn’t present as a teen with clinical depression or other mental health disorders. In between the bullying incidents, she seems like a normal, happy girl. When bullying incidents occur, she is upset and presents normal reactions to those stressors. It is dangerous to teach teens that getting upset can lead to suicide. Clinical depression that leads to suicide looks very different. Provide information, including important signs and symptoms, to increase their overall understanding.

• Help protect teens from over-relating to these characters. The characters on this show are made to be relatable and likable, and this can make your teen vulnerable to their influence. This does not mean that the characters are the same as your teen or that your teen should follow their lead. It is important to explain that the show takes experiences and focuses on the worst case scenario for entertainment value. While they may be able to relate to some of the events and experiences depicted, the show is still fictional. Awareness of this vulnerability can help teens distinguish this difference.

• Discuss proper ways of seeking and providing support to those in need. The show does a disservice in not discussing what can we do about these problems or what can teens can do to help. The show offers no healthy solutions for working through these experiences. Make sure they are able to discuss and identify how to cope with difficulties in a healthy way. Ask questions such as:

  • How could people have supported a character better?
  • What can you do if you notice someone is suffering?
  • What could they have done to ease their feelings in a better way?

• Identify at least 1 adult in their life they can trust. This series strongly suggests to teens that they should think twice about trusting adults, especially counselors. Remind them that professional counselors are far more trained, educated and effective than they appear on the show. The show focuses on teens trusting other teens, which is natural. However, teens need to be able to recognize when their peer group is not enough and when they need to reach out to an adult. Help your teen understand when it’s the right time to seek adult support. Ask them to identify at least one trusted adult (even if it is not you). Ask questions such as:

  • Why do you think he couldn’t talk to his parents about what he was going through?
  • What do you think would have made him feel more comfortable opening up to someone?
  • How do you know when an adult is trustworthy?
  • What helps you to trust someone?

• Discuss which scenes may not be worth watching, for their own good. There are scenes in the show that are extremely graphic and difficult to watch. The series tries to incorporate more warnings in the second season with suggestions to go to their website for resources. These warnings are ineffective and often ignored. As parents, you can try to pay attention to the warnings about graphic material and give your teen a heads up that the episode is going to contain explicit scenes. You can also pause the episode and have a conversation about if it is worth watching that particular scene or not. Some of the graphic scenes are unnecessary to the overall message and can be talked about rather than watched.

• Continue to check in with your teen after they have watched this show. Encourage them to speak with you about their thoughts, feelings, and any concerns they may have. This should not be something that you talk about once and never talk about again. Continue to remind them that you are always there for them.

• If your teen is experiencing difficulty processing what they saw in this show or you notice any changes in their mood or behavior as a result of this show, please seek professional help from a licensed therapist.