Best Self Family Post
5 Truths About Friendship Changes
3/14/23
Friendships are incredibly important for all of us, and at all stages of our lives. In our adolescent years, they evolve from important to crucial. As we move through our teenage years, our friendships are what help us understand who we are outside of our family. Friends help us feel accepted and cared for while we manage the growing pressures around us. What is often overlooked about friendship is how normal it is for these relationships to change over time (or even come to an end). When it’s “a first”, it can be an incredibly difficult experience emotionally.
If you are experiencing changes in your friendships for the first time, or struggling to navigate shifting friendships, this post is for you. We want you to know you are not alone (as we, adults, know that everyone feels this way at some point).
It may also be helpful to know these friendship truths to help get you through it:
1. Friendships change for all different reasons
Friendships can change because of the actions of others, maybe one person was hurt and they made the decision to take a step back. They can also change because of location or circumstance. Maybe, someone moved away (without choice or control) or for another reason the time spent together becomes less. Sometimes, friendships change slowly yet naturally over time for no major reason. People may grow apart as they age and change (and there are not necessarily hurt feelings).
2. It is a super normal experience
As we go through life and get older, we are all constantly changing and growing into ourselves. Sometimes, people who care about each other grow in different directions, and that can mean parting ways with old friends. If we’re lucky, some of our friends from school will remain friends for life (but it is not realistic to expect it from everyone).
3. Still, it can hurt
Regardless of the reason for the shift - whether it was your decision, someone else’s, or you naturally grow apart - it can hurt to lose someone you care about and have a past with. What many people don’t realize is that when we experience a major shift in a relationship, or things turning out different than we expected, it can be considered a loss. When we experience a loss, it is important that we grieve to help us make sense of what happened so that we can move on.
There are stages of grief (shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance). They are not linear, meaning we may feel these out of order, and may experience stages more than once. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings, seek support and be patient with yourself.
4. You can handle the hard feelings
Sometimes it feels like it might be easier to push our feelings away so we don’t have to deal with them, but this is not actually the case. Avoiding our feelings can cause them to build up and ultimately make us feel worse. Our feelings will stick around until we acknowledge and honor them. Make space for your feelings and let yourself feel them - the only way out is through.
Practice self-compassion, kindness, and patience towards yourself. Validate your feelings by saying to yourself, “this was a person I really cared about/once played a big role in my life, it makes sense that this is difficult for me.”
Do more of the things that make you feel good. Whether it’s certain people (pay attention to who you feel your best around) or more time with a hobby you love. Take on a new hobby, and invite someone else to try it with you. Create a cozy and calming environment at home to relax in (use blankets, lighting, scents, bubble bath, you name it). Move your body more, in whatever ways you enjoy most. This is the part you always have the most control over!
5. There is a silver lining in moving forward
There is beauty in understanding and accepting that we change, our relationships change, and life changes. It helps us learn and gives us permission to continue growing into ourselves, and who we are supposed to be. This is a good thing.
Although your friendship may look different than it once did, you can still honor the memories you made, the good times you experienced together, and lessons you learned along the way.
Honor yourself as an individual - the person you are even without that friendship. You are still you, and you are still whole.