Best Self Family Post
A Calmer Way To Lead Your Child
4/23/25
A common goal parents have in their journey—or one I hear often when working with parents—is wanting more control over their reactions. They notice that yelling and constant reminders aren’t working to get from A to B or to make real progress toward their goals. Instead, they find themselves stuck in an exhausting cycle of getting louder just to be heard.
One powerful shift that can break this cycle is the use of declarative language. Instead of giving direct commands like “Eat your vegetables,” “Put your shoes on,” or “Pick up your toys,” parents make observations that encourage children to process information and take initiative on their own.
This approach helps kids build independence, problem-solving skills, and self-regulation because they learn to interpret social cues rather than just follow instructions. Over time, this means less resistance, fewer power struggles, and more cooperation.
A great way to start practicing this is to think of yourself as a sportscaster. The next time you see the dishes still in the sink, pause, take a breath, and say: “I see the dishes are still in the sink. What’s your plan?” Or “We have 10 minutes before the bus and your toothbrush is dry and your coat is still hanging”.
This small change creates space for your child to think, respond, and take ownership—without the battle.
You can use this same approach for any ongoing challenges in your home. The goal of practicing declarative language is to take the judgment and urgency out of the situation.
For example, if mornings are a constant struggle, try waiting for a calm moment to reflect on what’s been happening. You might say something like, “The last few weeks, we’ve had more fights in the mornings than I’d like. Feeling rushed has made me more likely to yell. What have you noticed? How have mornings felt for you?”
This opens the door for conversation instead of conflict. It helps your child build awareness, problem-solving skills, and a sense of ownership—without the pressure of a demand.