Approaching Tryouts: More than Making the Team

8/19/2025

Maddie Gasaway

MA, LPC

As the school year begins, so does the season for try outs. Whether it’s for band, sports, theater, or other extracurricular activities, tryouts can feel both exciting and nerve-wracking. It’s a time full of possibility and potential, but it can also stir up anxiety, pressure, and self-doubt for kids. For parents, it’s a balancing act- wanting to encourage your child to aim high while also helping them navigate disappointment if things don’t go as planned.

The most important thing to remember is that there is so much more to tryouts than just making the team. They are valuable opportunities for growth, resilience, and self-discovery. As parents, we can help support our children during this process by following the 5 tips below.

1. Focus on the Benefits of Trying: It’s easy for kids to get caught up in the “make it or not” mentality. As parents, we can help them shift their focus to the process rather than the outcome. One of the best lessons a child can learn early on is that trying something, even if it does not end in “success”, is worthwhile. The real value of trying out is in showing up, preparing, and putting yourself out there. Even if the outcome isn’t ideal, the child gains experience in building courage, perseverance, and self-worth.

   Try saying: “I’m already proud of you for trying. That takes guts, and that’s something not everyone is willing to do.”

   Reframing the tryout itself as a win (rather than the outcome) sets a foundation for long-term confidence.

2. Encourage Positive Self-Talk: Kids and teens are often harder on themselves than we realize, and nerves can easily spiral into self-doubt. Help your child notice unhelpful thoughts and replace them with empowering ones. For example, before tryouts, your child may be thinking, “I’m going to mess up” or “Everyone else is better than me.” Replace it with “I’ve worked hard and I’m ready to try my best”, “It’s normal to be nervous. I can still do hard things.” or “Even if I make a mistake, I can keep going.”

3. Normalize Rejection and Building Resilience: Rejection hurts, no matter your age. It’s also a powerful opportunity to teach resilience. When your child doesn’t make the team, don’t rush to fix it. First, try validating their disappointment and help them process their feelings.

   Try saying: “It’s okay to feel disappointed right now, I know this didn’t turn out the way you hoped. It shows that you cared. This doesn’t define your worth or your potential.”

   This message helps validate the hurt, affirms their courage, and keeps the focus on the effort, not the outcome. Then, you can shift towards problem-solving and making a plan- whether it’s trying again next year or joining something different.

   “What do you think you learned?” “What might you want to try next?” “Are there other teams, leagues or roles?”, “How can we still have fun with this activity without the official title?”

4. Encourage Experimentation: Not making the team doesn’t mean that’s the end of the road. Especially for younger kids, the “right” activity may take time to discover. Maybe soccer wasn’t the best fit, but tennis, art club, or theater might be. Encourage your child to stay curious and open. It’s not just about finding their talents, but it’s about helping them learn how to explore, adapt, and stay engaged even when things don’t work out immediately.

   Try saying: “Sometimes it takes a few tries to find what really fits. Every time you try something you learn more about what you enjoy and what you want to do. This is all part of figuring it out.”

   This helps normalize the process of trial and error while taking the pressure off needing to find “their thing” immediately.

5. Success and Compassion: If your child does make the team, that’s something to celebrate! It also means the stress is not necessarily over. Now may come the pressure to perform or meet expectations. Keep communication open and check in regularly about how they’re feeling emotionally. Encourage them to create time for self-care and relaxation. Help your child understand how to stay grounded and gracious, especially if a friend didn’t make it.

   Try saying: “You worked hard and earned this, and I’m proud of you. It’s okay to still feel excited about making the team while feeling sad for your friend. Being a good friend means showing support and helping lift others up.”

   Encourage humility, empathy, and inclusion- qualities that turn good players into even better people.

Kids will win some, and they’ll lose some. Whatever the outcome of the tryout, your support is what your child will remember most. Be their steady reminder that their worth isn’t tied to any team, it’s in who they are and how they approach new things, not just what they achieve.