Best Self Family Post
Behavior Chart 411
1/26/24
Mention the term “behavior chart” to a parent and you may observe a deer in headlights appearance or even the occasional eye roll. Behavior charts can seem overwhelming and can present valid parental questions and doubts. Some I have heard before are concerns that a child should be intrinsically motivated, that charts put too much emphasis on rewards or create unrealistic expectations and stress.
These are all fair and sometimes accurate statements IF a behavior chart is utilized in isolation. If we as parents implement behavior charts thoughtfully and considering our child’s and family’s unique needs; combining charts along with other positive social-emotional teaching strategies can create far-reaching and effective outcomes that both you and your child can truly be proud of!
Before you begin, please keep in mind:
*Your child’s age: Ages 3-8 are great ages to start.
*Your child’s cognitive ability: Are there any learning differences or things to keep in mind when creating the chart?
*Your child’s personality: Would a visual reminder of their behavior be motivating or would trying to meet a goal create extra anxiety/stress?
*Your family’s current functioning: Are there any significant changes that could affect the implementation of the chart? New schedules (i.e., beginning full day kindergarten)? Co-parenting or other caregivers that would be implementing the chart?
*Most importantly: Is it reasonable to begin a chart at this time or does your child need more time to learn strategies to be successful with the chart? Remember that charts are created to be positive, motivating and rewarding for your child. If your child does not yet have the skill to experience achievement, please consider working on this teaching piece first or in tandem with the chart once they have basic understanding of the skills desired of them.
If you have considered these factors and decided it’s the right time to start implementation of a behavior chart, let’s begin!
1) Creating the Chart: There are many charts for purchase online that are adorable, brightly colored, and appear organized but the most important factor of the actual visual chart is to KEEP IT SIMPLE. If I showed you the current chart I am using for my own children, you would be surprised and may even laugh, yet it has been my most positive and longest-lasting chart in all of my years of parenting because of the easy nature of execution. The simpler and more straightforward it is, the more likely you are to follow through and the more likely they are to understand it. Common formats of charts include a grid with days of the week and desired behaviors. Charts often address behaviors related to: kindness, self-control, positive attitude, sharing, chores, sportsmanship and more. No need to overthink it!
2) Involve Your Child: Discuss the behavior chart with your child. Explain the purpose and benefits of the chart. Ask for their input on the behaviors to be targeted and the rewards they find motivating (within reason). Involving the child increases their sense of ownership. Use a very positive and light tone when speaking about the chart, demonstrate your own excitement and belief in your child’s accomplishments.
3) Define Clear Goals: Identify behaviors you want to encourage. Be clear about expectations and do not select more than 3-4 targeted behaviors (even 1-2 are perfect). Apply a SMART goal (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely). Remember, it’s okay to start out easy until your child becomes accustomed to the behavior chart. This is an important method to help maintain motivation in the process. Frame goals in the positive vs the negative (i.e., “keeping hands to self” vs “no hitting”).
4) Be Consistent: Life is busy and unpredictable and that is why this is the trickiest part of this technique. Behavior charts will only be effective if implemented consistently and with fidelity (that is why starting simple works ) The chart should be used daily so the child learns that we will follow through and the environment with the chart becomes stable and predictable. Even if it appears the chart is not working, keep with it and give it 3-4 weeks before modifying the chart or deciding it wasn’t effective. It is normal for a child to push back at first and even for the behavior to escalate on occasions. Changing behavior is not easy at any age, we can all attest to that!
5) Select Reinforcements: Work with your child to determine the rewards for meeting goals. Reinforcements can be both intrinsic (praise, positive feedback) and extrinsic (stickers, small privileges). Tailor the rewards to your child’s preferences and age; you will want to make sure the reward is something they are motivated by. They might work towards something at the end of the week, or earn something daily (such as a sticker or a small amount of extra i-pad time). If you think a week would be too long to wait for your child’s reward, it’s okay to give it sooner at first. You can always slowly push the reward back once your child is experiencing growth.
6) Consequences: While it’s important to clearly communicate the consequences for not meeting goals, emphasize the opportunity for improvement and learning from mistakes. Although it’s all too tempting in a stressful state, try to not give too much attention for negative behavior or make threats such as “you’re not going to earn your sticker today!” (especially in front of others as this can create shame). Encourage your child to reflect to promote self-awareness and responsibility.
With all of this in mind, every child is unique and what works for one may not work with another. Behavior change takes time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts but also give yourself grace. This is not an easy task and it’s okay to have a few hiccups. Travel, illness, change in routines can create breaks in the chart but if it is completed consistently enough, your child will come right back to it with ease and so will you! Celebrate both you and your child’s progress, it will feel so rewarding to experience positive change and connection!