Best Self Family Post
Elementary Years: Resolving the Homework Struggle
3/14/18
As a teacher and a therapist, I have become very familiar with the daily struggle that is homework. Without proper strategy and support, this routine can lead to excessive stress and conflict between parents and their children. Setting up a foundation of good homework skills will pay dividends throughout your child’s development and academic career. This post answers some of the most common questions I receive from parents about how to best help their children with homework.
1. When should my child do their homework?
This varies based on your child’s needs and your family’s schedule. Some children need to take a break immediately after school and “get the wiggles out.” If this is your child, make sure this is an active break: playing at the park or building Lego, not vegging out in front of the TV. Other children who struggle with transitions do better if they complete their homework while they are still in “school mode.” If you are not sure which best fits your child and your schedule permits, experiment with both!
If your family’s schedule has a lot of moving parts (hockey on Mondays, piano on Tuesday, etc.), find a time that makes the most sense for your family. Consistency is most important, so try to find a consistent routine (right after dinner, as soon as we get home, etc.). You want homework to be part of an expected, stable routine for your child.
Avoid asking your child to complete homework on an empty stomach. If they are doing their homework right after school, a low-sugar snack with protein may help. Whenever possible, avoid having your child do their homework near bedtime, as a tired child will struggle even more with spelling lists and word problems.
2. Where should my child do their homework?
The specific area will differ between families, but find a consistent homework area. This space should have few distractions, which may mean separating siblings and choosing a space without distracting electronics. Make sure all needed supplies are nearby! The toddler who needed another sip of water, one more story, and an extra trip to the bathroom will turn into a third grader who needs colored pencils, a pencil that’s more sharp, and that one special eraser that can’t be found. Try to head this off at the pass by having all needed supplies in one space.
This space should provide the opportunity for your child to work independently, with monitoring and guidance from you as needed. The specific space will vary from child to child. Some may do well at the kitchen table, with their parent sitting next to them. Others need a quiet alcove where they can focus. Find the best space for your family.
3. Should I let my child take a break during homework?
As with so much in parenting, this depends on your child. Many children benefit from brief “movement breaks” while doing their homework. Movement breaks allow for children to reset their brain and get out some of their energy, allowing for a recharge without a large break in focus. Movement breaks could include jumping jacks, running around outside, cat-cow or other yoga moves, and stretching. If your child is frustrated, engage them in a walk and talk: walk around the house while having them talk through their thought process.
Some children also benefit from moving while doing their homework. If your child loves to swivel in an office chair, this may be your child! You could see increased concentration through giving your child a fidget or other sensory object.
Children need breaks before they reach their frustration tolerance (generally, when they start throwing a temper tantrum or putting their heads down and saying that they can’t do anything). Breaks help children self regulate and reset before beginning to work again, and this is much harder to accomplish after they’re upset.
That being said, some children really struggle with transitions. If that is the case with your child, it may be best to forego breaks. For all children, I strongly recommend against breaks with electronics. In much the same way that we can “just check our emails” and look up to see that a half hour has passed, your child can quickly become engrossed in electronics and lose track of time. Since electronics capture our attention so quickly, it is also difficult for children to transition away from their beloved Mindcraft and back to boring homework. If they are doing their homework on a tablet or computer, monitor to make sure they are only doing homework during homework time.
4. How can I prevent homework meltdowns?
While I’m afraid these tips will not prevent 100% of homework-related meltdowns, they should help minimize their frequency. Prioritizing homework often helps, which includes front loading more difficult and less appealing homework. Tricky math problems or disliked book reports are easier accomplished before children are tired out from their other work. (An exception would be children who need a confidence boost. If this is your child, let them complete something easy first to gain momentum for those more difficult assignments.)
Some children also react positively to homework reward charts. I would not start with this, but if your child is struggling, they may benefit from more concrete rewards. Points could be given for completing all assignments, for completing a specific and difficult assignment, for how much time is spent on homework, and for avoiding having a meltdown.
If meltdowns happen after hours of homework, a homework time limit may be helpful. I would not recommend telling your child that there is a time limit, but if they have been working on the same project for far longer than you think it should take (and if you have been monitoring and know that they truly have been working that entire time), it may be time to tell your child that they can complete the assignment another night. If this happens often, I encourage you to talk to your child’s teacher. It could be that expectations are misaligned, or there could be a greater academic or executive functioning problem to discuss further.
Final Thoughts
These tips should help alleviate the homework angst that every family goes through. Your strategies will adapt as your family evolves and grows–look for an upcoming post on how to help your teen with homework. At the end of the day, you know your family best and can pick and choose which tips best suit your child. Best wishes for smooth evenings ahead!