Best Self Family Post
Is My Child Overscheduled?
8/5/24
As Fall approaches and we begin to plan our children’s schedules and activities, it can be difficult to find the happy medium of activity/downtime that works for your child and family. As we have become more aware of screen-time and its negative effects on child development, perhaps we’ve also become accustomed to scheduling our child’s day as a means to navigate this dilemma. Below I will outline signs to look for in an overscheduled child, while also keeping in mind what research proves is essential for child development.
Please keep in mind that every child is different and has their own specific downtime needs. What works for one child’s friend or sibling may not work for another. Within a family, there may be one child that can attend a sport, birthday party, and large family gathering in one day with ease and another that would complain and struggle with behavior. That second child may not be stubborn or unwilling to put in the effort, they may be exhibiting behaviors that the social-emotional, sensory, physical, and focus needs required of them are too much at this time.
So, what are the signs parents notice that might indicate their child is overscheduled?
- Fatigue - Appearing tired or having trouble waking up or even staying awake during the day. It can also look like being overtired and having difficulty falling asleep at night with resistance or seeming “wired” with too much energy.
- Increased Stress and Anxiety - Mood swings, irritability, and oppositional behavior. While these behaviors can be difficult to manage and don’t look like what we think of as stress or anxiety, remember that developing children do not and cannot always express feelings with specific feeling words or a conversation. Remind yourself that your child isn’t choosing to be “ungrateful” for the activity that they had originally expressed interest in or “lazy”; they may simply not be ready for the level of obligation.
- Physical Symptoms - Headaches, stomachaches, or other physical complaints. These might be real physical conditions, but they can also be stress and fatigue related or a means to avoid the activity.
- Loss of Interest - If your child previously enjoyed an activity but no longer does, this could potentially be a sign of burnout. Ask questions. Listen to your child’s feelings about their schedule. If they like soccer but they are now in soccer 3-4x a week, perhaps modify the activity (if possible). They might not always express it directly or in the way we would expect, but pay attention to behavior and what your child may share. Be aware that even a conversation with a young child about the commitment before signing up may not be valid. Children cannot yet accurately anticipate how they may feel and cope with obligations, so as parents we need to use our best judgment of our individual child to help with these choices.
- Lack of Connection - Family and friend time is precious. These relationships and simple conversations, shared experiences and events form connections that also encourage healthy behavior and coping strategies. When a child feels connected to us and others, they are more able to self-regulate, share difficult emotions, and respond better to our redirection.
- Free Play - Research demonstrates that free play supports emotional regulation, creativity, problem solving, and autonomy. These skills are critical for children to develop into independent teens and adults. While we of course want our children to follow their interests and talents, adult-guided sports and lessons limit the essential skills for growth that free play provides. Be mindful of allowing plenty of opportunities for this during the week. *Remember free play refers to limited screen time, open-ended toys, plenty of outdoor space for free-play, reduced structure/guidelines in play (as long as it is safe), and making mistakes without an adult jumping in to support. The ability to be bored is a good thing!
If you think your child may be overscheduled, it’s not too late to change course. Evaluate activities and determine which are most important and enjoyable. Prioritize activities that your child is passionate about and that positively contribute to their overall development. It’s okay to set limits on extracurricular activities and have family rules, such as limited/no travel sports, 1-2 activities per child in the family, etc. While your child may push back at first (especially if others are doing it), be confident that you have the research that supports their long-term development and know your child best. Help them individually find their balance, and yours!