Best Self Family Post
It is Okay to Seek Help
2/2/18
Making the decision to come to therapy is a difficult one. It can bring up all kinds of insecurities, stigmas, and even feelings of failure. This is normal! Life can be overwhelming and you deserve to feel supported when you need it. You are only one person and can only do so much! You didn’t go to school to become a parent. There is no guidebook or how-to book that tells you exactly what to do and when. Every child is different and has their own unique set of needs.
Everyone needs help at some point. You are one of many who contemplate starting therapy, you’re certainly not the first nor last. It may seem like you are all alone in this, but you are not! It is always better to get help when problems are more mild rather than waiting until they are too severe to turn around. Plus, you are being preventative by reaching out early! Think about what lessons you want your children to learn about giving and receiving help. In their own future, when they struggle, what will you want them to do? Will you hope that they will get help when they need it, instead of suffering in silence?
Therapy can help you to regain your confidence as a parent when you don’t know what to do. It can bring your family back to a place of wellbeing and happiness. Ask questions and voice your opinions or concerns about the process. It shows courage as a parent, to be able to recognize your strengths and difficulties. It can be easier to brush things under the rug and pretend like they aren’t happening (but this only works in the short term, as the long term problem grows stronger). You won’t be a perfect parent, no one is! But a great parent, is one that recognizes when things are out of hand and asks for help. You are a great parent!
Sometimes therapists reinforce concepts parents are trying to teach at home, and it can increase your child’s level of compliance. But why is this? Often we have found, that when someone outside the family system gives suggestions, children listen differently. The parent-child relationship tends to be different than the therapist-child relationship. There can be unspoken power struggles going on between children and their parents. Even when your advice is great advice, your child might say to themselves “here they go again, telling me what to do”. Therapy is a partnership between the therapist, parents, child and school. The therapist acts as both a teacher and a friend, lending a supportive ear while teaching valuable tools. This certainly does not mean that a therapist’s guidance is better than a parent’s. Sometimes just hearing it from another source gives them enough reassurance and confirms this is what they should do.
You’ve made the decision to come to therapy. Now, how do you explain this to your child? First, don’t give your child too much notice that they are coming. The more time they have to think about it, the more anxious they can get. Second, keep it simple. For example, “this is someone you can talk to who will make sure you are healthy and happy” or “this is another adult in your life that you can trust”. Your child will pick up on the energy you are giving off about coming to therapy. If you are positive and describing it as a good thing, your child will think that way as well. Once you get your child to the office, the therapist will continue to talk about it with them and their understanding of what is going on will continue to develop. Once the bond forms between therapist and client, it’s really a special time that both parties look forward to!