Best Self Family Post

Managing Temper Tantrums in Public

9/24/18

Parents, do you ever dread leaving the house with your child for fear of how they will act? It’s more common than you might guess. With a little planning, you can certainly make adventures in public a lot less dramatic!

Planning Ahead

If your child is prone to throwing temper tantrums, make sure you leave the house with a solid behavior plan. Think through the potential challenges and how you want to manage them. Be clear about your expectations and talk to your child about the plan including the planned consequences and rewards. When redirecting their behavior, be direct, specific and give 1 instruction at a time. For example, instead of saying “stop that”, say “please sit down.” Finally, if age appropriate, you can make your child a part of the planning by asking for their input (in small doses). For example, “what do you want to do while we are waiting for the doctor?”

Keeping Busy

Ask your child to help you pack a bag of small items that will keep them busy and happy while you are out. The more down time there is, the more likely they are to get irritated. The activities you bring don’t have to revolve around electronics. Try playing games, such as “I Spy”, as you are walking down the street or driving in the car. This can keep them engaged and focused, instead of waiting for the ball to drop. You can also bring a book, coloring books or favorite toys to keep them occupied. Have your child play a more active role in the planned errand or outing. For example, if you’re going to the grocery store, let them push the cart or give them choices about what items to get. Keeping your child involved will keep them distracted, and can also prevent them from escalating into boredom, attention seeking or controlling the situation.

Exiting The Situation

That moment you were dreading happens and they start to throw a temper tantrum. Where are you going to go? Being inside your home is a little easier because you don’t have to worry about picking a spot to take them if they start to act up. Before you leave, plan out a spot where you can take them to remove them from the situation. Some examples include the car, somewhere quiet within the store, just outside the entrance of wherever you are, a bench or picnic table or a back bedroom away from visitors. Even in a crowded store, you can look for the quietest corner and face them away from stimuli of other people. The goal is to de-escalate the situation more quickly and manage the behavior without worrying about people around you. First, get on their level and make eye contact. Then, calmly ask for the behavior you do want to see from them. Wait for their compliance before offering or negotiating anything they were fighting for.

Consequences and Rewards

Don’t forget to leave the house with a plan for immediate consequences and rewards to keep in your back pocket while you’re out.. Help your child make the connection between the behavior that is expected, versus problematic. If you’re a time-out kind of family, you can use this technique in public, too. If needed, you can reduce the time of the time out from 3 minutes to 1 minute to make it more manageable. Try to ignore mildly negative behavior and refocus their attention on more exciting subjects. Be sure to praise them for making good choices, as much or more as you enforce consequences for poor choices. Praise good behavior with statements such as, “I like it when you…” or “Thank you for…”. Be specific and detailed so they understand exactly what they are doing correctly.

Manage your own emotions

As a parent, it is very hard when your child starts to act up in public. The stares and whispers from people walking past cause you to feel shame and embarrassment. This is natural and normal! Try to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. They don’t know you or the situation going on. For example, “It is going to be okay”, “this is going to pass” or “I am doing my best.” Use your own coping skills to calm yourself down, de-escalate the situation and model a sense of calm for your child. Remember that you are a good parent and are doing what is best for your child.

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