Ride The Wave

4/7/25

Katie Henegan

MA, LCPC

Sometimes emotions and urges can be so intense and overwhelming that it can feel like we are drowning without knowing which way is up or down, backwards, or forwards. We can freeze and become stuck with the feeling that the world is closing in on us and our options become limited. This can lead people to make unsafe decisions or engage in urges that they are trying to cease such as avoidance, compulsions, or addiction related behaviors.

There are many ways that people might try to cope with these urges or intense surges of emotions including distractions or self-soothing behaviors. However, it is important to have a fully stocked tool kit to manage these situations to keep ourselves safe and healthy.

One effective means of coping is known as “Urge Surfing” or “Riding the Wave”. The general concept of this DBT skill is to ride out the urge or intense emotion the way a surfer rides a wave. Just as waves gradually build with time, so too do emotions. And just like waves eventually crash and the ocean quiets, emotions and urges will eventually calm as well. However, just like these waves, we can’t stop our emotions from occurring and they will likely return. Learning to ride the wave of the emotions or urges can help to reduce the intensity of emotions and the feeling of being paralyzed.

Riding the wave is an advanced skill that requires practice and self-compassion. When practicing this skill, we are asking ourselves to sit with uncomfortable and potentially intense feelings and emotions rather than avoiding or engaging in unhealthy coping skills. In order to ride the wave, we must first learn to sit with our breath, engage in acceptance of our emotions, and turn our attention to our thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. We work to take on the role of an observer of our emotions with the goal of removing the need to react to the emotions. After we ride out the intensity of the emotion or urge, we might be able to work on reflecting on how the emotion impacted us.

With time, practice and support, learning to ride the waves of emotions in our lives can truly empower us. We become more confident in how we cope with and approach difficult situations. The benefits are long lasting and quite empowering! An experienced clinician can facilitate learning this skill and applying it to the range of situations that often cause significant anxiety (think, giving presentations, speaking in class, emotional outbursts, to name a few). Remember that ocean wave image and replace anxiety with determination!