Best Self Family Post
The Value of Emotional Vocabulary
8/5/22
Being human means experiencing emotion; it is inevitable and our brains are built accordingly. For some, this experience may not seem to come as naturally as biology intended. If we invite more acceptance of emotions (less resistance/avoidance/fear) we can learn at any age - how to manage them in healthy ways. It’s not too early for your child and it’s never too late for your teen to ramp up your support of their developing emotional expression skills.
The first step is to name the emotion. When young children are trying to express themselves and it comes out as unacceptable behavior, it can be frustrating for parents. We might ask them to “use your words” instead. But first, remember how normal it is for this to be hard for children with developing brains. They are still exploring feelings, learning to understand them, and struggling to express them to you. Children are in need of emotional vocabulary to hang these feelings on - and this is where we can help!
In therapy, we utilize emotion charts, wheels, flashcards, pictures with facial expressions, storybooks (ask us anytime- we love to share!). We utilize a child’s favorite characters, colors, animals, to help a child learn through play - exploring what those emotions feel and look like. We model acceptance of those feelings and label, label, label them. Labeling feelings can make a big difference when it comes to reducing the intensity of an emotion, especially when someone supportive is there to say “you are angry, I hear you, I understand and it is okay”. And if a child resists your suggestion of what they are feeling, offer options (“perhaps you feel angry? or sad?”) and reflect (“because you want to do __________, but we have to do __________ first”).
Remember that what parents say - and model - builds a child’s internal dialogue (i.e. when a parent says “I’m feeling frustrated right now so I need to take a break” they’re more likely to hear it said later by their child). It’s also important to use mirroring techniques. This involves noticing and identifying how you think they are feeling and why, (i.e. “I notice your arms are crossed and your eyebrows are scrunched up. I wonder if you’re feeling angry because I said __________” or “I notice a big smile on your face, I wonder if you are excited about __________”). When you read books together, pause to talk about the emotions on the faces of characters and ask your child to identify a time they felt it too.
Emotion charts with word suggestions are easy to find online, as well as fun activities/tools on Pinterest/Etsy. Look for one that has words your child already knows, and a few they don’t. As they age, present them with updated charts so they can learn new words regularly to keep it interesting and expand that vocabulary. For example, you might start with “happy, sad, angry, scared, proud” and then later integrate “hopeful, brave, annoyed, disappointed”, and onto “ashamed, rejected, grateful, inspired”.
It’s also important for children to learn early that emotions are not “good” nor “bad”, in therapy we might categorize the negative emotions as the “harder ones”. Emotions help us in many ways, and using the best words to describe them helps others understand us (ultimately getting our needs met more successfully).
Children with strong emotional vocabulary prove to be more empathetic toward others, a very important skill for relationships building. Parents also benefit by being better able to support their children through their feelings, as they also learn to soothe themselves. It’s a hard job, but with a little time and attention, everyone wins!