Best Self Family Post
Your Teen & Self-Harm: Should You Be Worried?
10/2/17
Teens are hearing a lot about self-harm these days. It’s been very present in the media lately, and teens are listening. Word spreads quickly around school when peers attempt to hurt themselves, and some are more easily influenced than others. As parents, do you know how to talk to your child about these important topics? When is the right time to seek professional help?
Opening the Conversation
First, it is important to figure out your child’s general opinions about self-harm. Here are some examples of good questions to start off with:
- What do you think self-harm is?
- Why would someone make this choice?
- Where did you first hear about it?
- What are your thoughts on it?
- What are some healthier choices?
It’s important to be continuously empathic, non-judgmental and validating when they share their thoughts and feelings with you. Try to remain calm and avoid jumping to conclusions. Ask questions and listen, listen, listen, before you move into sharing your own thoughts. Be sure to manage your own feelings that could be triggered during this kind of conversation. If you hear information that surprises or scares you, try to minimize your reaction so they don’t shut down. Be supportive and continue to encourage them to come to you if they ever feel that level of distress.
What Comes Next
If your teen denies any personal distress or concern over this topic, you have at least opened the door for future discussions. On the contrary, if they indicate that they have had any thoughts, urges or attempts to self-harm in any way, it is time to seek professional help.
A mental health professional will continue the conversation with a proper risk assessment, to help you determine the right level of concern and ensure that your child is safe. Assessment questions include inquiries about past/present ideas, plans and behaviors regarding self-harm. A professional will slowly get into more personal questions, without pushing too hard, remaining calm all the while. They will look for information regarding frequency, intensity and specific triggers. It also helps to have the child or teen engage in a fun or relaxing activity while talking, to lessen the pressure.
In therapy, thoughts and feelings are normalized and safely explored in the context of a trusting relationship. Tools are provided for managing strong emotion and children gradually regain control over their life. Dangerous behaviors are replaced with healthier ones, including activities to soothe, distract or serve a specific function or need the child is currently seeking.
When to Worry
If you are concerned about your child or teen, and they are refusing or struggling to communicate, trust your instincts. Look out for changes in behavior and emotion, that may indicate possible depression or self-harm.
Signs they may be depressed:
- Isolating themselves from people more than usual or spending more time alone in their room
- Changing their eating habits (eating more or less)
- Changing their sleep habits (sleeping too much or too little)
- Showing more irritation and annoyance with little things than usual
- Showing more sadness than usual
- Resisting doing things they would normally enjoy doing
Signs they may be self-harming:
- Shifting moods (more worry, sadness, anger)
- Spending a lot of time behind closed doors (bedroom, bathroom)
- Wearing long-sleeves or sweatshirts in warm weather
- Having marks on their body they cannot explain
- Keeping tools in their room or backpacks to be used for cutting (knives, razor blades, safety pins, paper clips
- Talking about self-harm more, in general, or in a joking manner
Keep in mind that those who have engaged in self-harm behaviors often feel guilty about doing so. With your unconditional love and acceptance, they can find healthier ways of managing stress (that don’t create a set of new problems). Figuring out exactly what to do to help can be a daunting task. It is important to seek out a professional therapist as soon as possible, to stop these dangerous behaviors before they worsen. Contact us at info@bestselfinc.com for more information.