Best Self Family Post
Parenting Through A Pandemic
3/26/21
It’s officially year 2 of the COVID-19 pandemic, which is really hard to say out loud. After so many months of assuming this was temporary – it has to be, it must be. It wasn’t. Families have been impacted in too many ways to count.
As short term stressors have become long term stressors, they have compounded into an overwhelming sense of fatigue. We now have data from 2020 mental health insurance claims that highlight the massive impact on generation Z (ages 13-18) – unprecedented spikes in depression, anxiety, substance abuse and intentional self-harm (just to name a few). We know this all too well, and although no client of ours was spared, we are incredibly proud of how they continue to fight for their mental health.
As therapists working in a pandemic, we’ve been on the same journey as our clients (for the first time in our careers). We share the sense of fatigue that our young clients feel, yet we are more grateful than ever for our role. We were able to use our time in the most meaningful way we know how, and I speak for my team when I say – it became a protective factor of our own mental health. While we support others, we serve our life’s purpose. This is what sustains us. With that said, everything we knew had to change. Never before have we had to be so adaptive, in the skills that we teach and the methods that we use.
And still, we are learning, adapting and fighting. The “mental health pandemic” that so many psychologists predicted would follow COVID-19, is here. Especially for our youth. They have had to accept so much loss, sacrifice so many outlets, wrestle with uncertain futures and perform academically along the way. As we’ve supported them, it’s become clear that those who are coping in the most adaptive ways will be healthier (physically and mentally) and more resilient in the future.
Parents are also fatigued from working overtime, balancing work and family life with little to no time for their own self-care. To support you, as you support your kids, we offer these five topics for your consideration and discussion.
Reflection
We encourage families to invest some time in reflection. Everyone has a fair list of complaints and resentments, regarding what has been lost or sacrificed this year. But what have we gained? What has been revealed – about ourselves, our family members, our daily lives? What lessons have we learned and will apply to our “new normal”? We lost time, experiences, milestones, that we may never get back. We have also learned how to do things differently (sometimes more efficiently) and what changes we needed to make in our lives.
Reframing
In a nutshell, reframing is a powerful cognitive tool that helps us shift our thoughts from negative to positive. If you’re the type that believes there is always a silver lining to be discovered, you will naturally notice more good in the world than bad – resulting in more happiness, peacefulness, resilience. It’s not about ignoring or denying our pains, as these are feelings we must acknowledge and accept. But then, we can look for the good – and it’s quite empowering to learn that we attend to and think about is a choice we make. Our teen clients benefit tremendously from learning about this, and it’s never too early to teach a young child as well. No matter how many lemons we are tossed, we can always choose to make lemonade.
Validation
Most parents don’t sit well with the feeling of helplessness, when they can’t remove a stressor from their child’s life. As no parent can possibly fix the pandemic effects, it may be helpful to remember that sometimes all your children need is your listening ear and genuine validation. They need to feel understood and know that without a doubt – their family is always there behind them. This is what makes a child feel confident that they can handle life’s difficulties. We encourage parents to do less problem solving and more listening. More expression of confidence in their abilities. When emotions run high, validation is one of the most effective ways to de-escalate tension and conflict. If you reflect on what you hear them saying (even if you don’t agree), they no longer have to up-the-ante to feel heard. It might be as simple as saying “it makes sense you feel that way” or “I would feel that way too”. Then, you could ask “do you want help?” or “what is one thing you can do for yourself, that might improve the situation?”.
Values
When we see and hear that our clients are overwhelmed and burning out- we take the opportunity to reflect on what really matters the most to them (the very thing that may be missing). Are they incorporating values-based living into their daily life? As parents, pay close attention to what they complain about. This is what they value and probably what they need more of. Is it a sense of connection? Is it a sense of purpose? If you can help your children identify what their own values are, you can help them pursue meaningful activities that align. It’s even better, if you can create something meaningful that is also tangible (to really see their efforts pan out and feel as productive as they are). This is a really positive outlet for stress, especially while focusing on something that is within one’s limits of control (perhaps also serving the greater good).
Nature
Screen time (as well as substance use) has proven to be the easiest grab for coping with stress during quarantine. For many, what was normal use before has become excessive this past year. It may be more dangerous for children and teens to over-indulge, particularly while such significant neurodevelopment is still underway. It is crucial that we help them balance screen time with strong coping skills, supported more by scientific research and less by application and game developers. With quarantine considered, we believe one of the best places to start is outside. Nature has such powerful ways of eliciting our calmest, most alert state of mind. Spending time in and around green spaces, has been proven to increase our emotional well-being (reducing symptoms of anxiety, depression and aggression). We can encourage children to forego their devices for short periods when outdoors, to maximize these mental breaks (and ask them to try it at least once and report back).
If your child and/or family is in need of professional support, our licensed therapists are currently providing Telehealth based services to families in the State of Illinois. Please call 312-643-0268 to arrange a complimentary consultation.