Starting Therapy: How to Talk About It

5/20/2025

Maddie Gasaway

As a parent, bringing up the idea of therapy with your child can feel overwhelming. You may be worried about how they’ll react, if they’ll think there is something “wrong” with them, or even if you’re doing the right thing. First off- you’re not alone! Many parents feel unsure about how to begin the conversation, and that’s completely normal.

One of the most important things to remind yourself is that you love your child and want the best for them. That’s why you’re exploring therapy in the first place. You may be seeking support for big feelings, behavior changes, school challenges, social struggles, anxiety, or something completely different.

Regardless of what brought you here, seeking extra help does not mean something is broken- it does mean you are being proactive and nurturing. You’re doing a beautiful thing by giving your child the tools to grow emotionally and feel empowered.

The way you talk about therapy, matters! Kids of all ages pick up on tone, intention, and emotion. How you introduce therapy can set the tone for how they feel walking in. If it’s framed in a more positive and supportive way- the more likely they are to feel open and safe engaging in the process. Therapy is a safe space to explore their feelings, build skills, and feel more confident and connected. It also helps to relate it to what they already understand, i.e. just like how school helps their brains grow, therapy helps their hearts and minds grow.

Some helpful ways to phrase it:

• Children (3-7 years)- Use simple, positive, reassuring language. “We’re going to visit a feelings helper! She’s kind of like a teacher who helps kids with how they feel on the inside. It’s a fun place where you can play and talk, and they help make some of those big and tricky feelings feel a little smaller and better.”

• Tweens (8-12 years)- Emphasize support, remain non-judgmental. “I know things have been hard lately, and I want to make sure you have someone to talk to who’s just there for you. Therapy is a safe space where you can talk about stuff that you might not want to share with family or friends. It’s totally okay to feel unsure at first. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to- in fact, there are different types of activities you can do in therapy that isn’t just talking and you can even learn cool tools to help you feel better. What do you think?”

• Teens (13-18 years)- Be direct, honest and respectful. “I wanted to bring something up and get your thoughts on it. I’ve noticed that you have been going through a lot, and I’ve been wondering if talking to a therapist might be helpful- someone who is not me, who’s just there for you. Not because there is anything wrong, but because life can be overwhelming sometimes, and having someone neutral who you can talk to about whatever you want, could be helpful. What do you think about giving it a try?”

Explain what they will actually do in therapy: Many kids/teens imagine therapy is just talking to an adult about things they may not want to talk to an adult about. In reality, therapy is oftentimes active, playful, and creative. There may be sessions where they’re engaging in an art activity, a game, role-playing, or other activities that make learning emotional tools (and about themselves, of course) feel fun and engaging.

I personally like to remind my clients (especially “tweens” and “teens”) that this time is for them - to discuss topics they want to discuss, at their own pace in which they’re comfortable. I like to remind them that I am here to work with them, and despite feeling unsure (or resistant to therapy), we can work together to make this a beneficial and productive time for them. Collaboration and autonomy can help an unsure or even resistant client take a more open-minded approach to trying therapy.

When you talk about starting therapy, also matters! When bringing up the conversation of therapy to your child, try and pick a calm and private moment. Remember, there may be no “perfect” moment to initiate this type of conversation but being mindful about the place and time to bring this conversation up (i.e., engaging in an activity together, going on a walk or eating a meal together) can help create a safe place where the child can process the conversation effectively.

If therapy is introduced right after a meltdown, conflict, or hard day, your child may link the idea of therapy to being “bad” or “in trouble”. Try to avoid connecting therapy to a consequence. This can cause your child to withdraw or shut down in the conversation. Instead, present it as a positive, supportive tool that helps them manage any challenges or changes they may be facing.

It’s Okay to Feel Unsure! Just like how parents may feel unsure while talking about therapy, children may feel unsure about attending, too- especially if therapy is new to them and they don’t know what to expect. You may even have a child or teen who is resistant to starting therapy. That’s okay! They may feel worried about being judged, feel unsure about what to say, or not want to feel forced to talk about things they’d rather avoid. Validating your child’s feelings can go a long way! It lays the foundation for trust and openness and can also reduce feelings of shame or resistance.

Be sure to normalize and validate feelings of uncertainty:

• “It’s okay to feel unsure or even not want to go at first. A lot of kids feel that way. You don’t have to talk about anything right away- your therapist will help you feel more comfortable, step by step.”

• “I hear you when you say you don’t want to go or won’t find it helpful. Many people aren’t sure what to expect when trying something new. I’m wondering if you would be open to giving it a chance, and after a few sessions, if you still don’t find it helpful for you, we can talk about that. Your opinion matters, too, and I want to support you.”

With a great provider, therapy is a gift. It is a chance for your child to feel seen, heard, and supported by someone outside of their everyday circle. By approaching it with love, curiosity, and calmness, you can set the tone for a positive experience. It’s okay if they feel unsure at first- most kids are! With time and trust, many come to look forward to sessions as “their time”. Starting therapy is a brave step for both you and your child. If you ever feel stuck on how to bring it up, know that a part of what we do in therapy is help you support your child, too!