Best Self Family Post
Words of Praise and Encouragement
10/19/17
Your time, your attention, your words. More valuable than anything money can buy. Give your child the emotional support they need, and you are investing in their mental health for the long haul. How do you choose words that will really count? How do you build their self-esteem, so they love themselves the way you love them?
From birth to childhood and even through adulthood, praise from our parents feels like the ultimate reward. It’s a profound human need, to be praised and recognized by others (especially by our parents). What you say to your child, about themselves and their capabilities, develops into an inner script for self-talk (how they talk to themselves). What are the positive messages you want them to remember?
When there’s conflict in your family, you can use praise to help turn it around. Positive praise makes family members feel loved and valued. When children feel better, they behave better. Remember that your praise means the most when it is warm, specific, enthusiastic and genuine. The phrase “good job” is too general and doesn’t have quite the same effect. Try to take “good” and “great” a step further by adding in detail.
Some argue that verbal praise creates a sense of conditional love, i.e., you will only love them when they excel. Yes, this kind of message breeds insecurity. You surely want to communicate to your child that your love and acceptance are unconditional.
Try to focus your praise more on their effort than their intelligence or talent. Label exactly what they did well, to increase the chances of it happening again. Be sure to highlight and celebrate their personal values, so they learn to feel authentically proud of their actions.
Observe your child or teen to get a sense of how they see themselves. Do they need a boost of encouragement?
Examples:
- I’m so proud that you made the choice to ______
- You make a real difference when you ______
- It’s amazing how you did ______ all on your own
- You never gave up on ______, even when it was hard
- It takes a lot of courage to ______ and you have it
- It’s wonderful how you can ______ like that
- Your skills in ______ are really admirable
- I appreciate how helpful you were when you ______
- What I really love about you is ______
- Spending time with you reminds me how ______ you are
- Our family is lucky to have your sense of ______
Speak to your child with a “you can do it” attitude consistently, and you will inspire them to take on new challenges. It also helps them develop a sense of resilience, so they know they can bounce back from hardship. They will hear the words you say, over and over in their minds. Teach your child to trust their own instincts, as much as they trust in you. They will come to believe in themselves, because you always did.